So, unfortunately I had found myself in another situation where I had to take time away from my blog and focus very much on myself. This post aims to give you a little insight as to why I have been away from the keyboard and what I have been doing with myself.
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| a somewhat fitting photo |
First off I think it is worth mentioning the very sad (for me) break up between me and Josh, which is more or less the very reason why I have been away. Despite a short eighteen months together a lot of feelings were there and it was a painful, confusing breakup that led to a painfully long (which seemed like longer than we had actually been together) month of no contact. We have now returned to talking on a daily basis, going on walks and resuming a friendship whilst we find ourselves after a heavy, difficult, dramatic time together.
If anything it just means that a 'how not to deal with a breakup' post will end up being written based on my terribly awkward experiences, which trust me there are plenty of.
Linked very much to the previous news, after about a week of struggling badly after the breakup I found myself adopting a new way of coping which had resulted in me referring to myself as an 'emotionless wreck'.
I have taken my "I don't care" attitude probably a stage too far and have ended up building myself a wall where I haven't been able to feel any negative emotions. (Great, right?) Well, I thought so myself until I found myself throwing myself into situations that would normally terrify me and not getting any reaction from them. As somebody who is terrified of roller-coasters (the whole mixture of heights and speed just doesn't sit well for me) I went to a pop up fair ground with two friends from work and happily jumped into the seats of every single ride without a single care in the world, but being honest I did feel absolutely on top of the world.
Now I am beginning to consider that this isn't a great way to face my problems and the idea of knowing I am experiencing a certain emotion without actually feeling it is very, very strange.
However, on a more happier note I have found myself throwing myself back into all my college work and part-time work (but I will come back to that later).
I have always found school work as something that I can just fall in to, I think I was born to be academic. Working hard and receiving great grades has always been my specialty. I love doing work and handing in essays or exams to get it back with great feedback, but any negative comments can always hold me back and fully knock my confidence. Yet, after a while of uncertainty about handing in work I have begun to hand in all my work by the deadlines provided and be a punctual, hard-working student.
Basically, what I am trying to get at is the fact that I am being a decent student but it is definitely helping me with my confidence to know that I am doing well at college and am targeted at A's in all my A Levels.
Along with the academic talk I would like to say that I have joined a debate club (how embarrassing??). Well, actually I think it is ridiculous that certain activities are deemed as 'uncool' and are then totally ignored within the system. Either way I have joined this club and I am truly enjoying it and think it is definitely worth checking out if you have the opportunity to do so.
I have also decided finally that my extended project for college will be on fashion identity and think this topic is really interesting and I will definitely be posting about it on here.
I'd also like to comment on an experience I have had regarding English.
Now, I personally chose the college I am currently at due to the English Literature and Language course that it offered as this was my favourite subject from high school and the tutor I spoke to at the college open day totally sold it to me. However, (and a big however) I ended up butting heads with my tutor when I was in a bad place, lost my passion for the subject, struggled in class and despite all effort to get some extra help I was out of look and ended up not going to class for a long time.
After talking to my doctor, head of the A-Level department and my mum (my truly fantastic mother) I was convinced to go back in, put my head down, try hard and give it all a good go. Now, that is what I have been doing, it has helped to prove my case that even when I am trying I am still not being given the help I need but has also boosted my confidence knowing that I am trying my utter hardest to achieve.
I now have a meeting scheduled with my friend (who feels the same), my English tutor an head of the A-Level department in order to resolve our issues and I personally think this is a great way to have dealt with the problems. If anybody is experiencing something similar and would appreciate a how-to guide on solving issues with teachers then I would happily help.
Moving on from college and on to Uni, I just wanted to comment on my hunt for the perfect university so far (which yet again I am more than happy to put up a post advising you on how to pick the perfect university or college for you). Although I am still torn between the course I plan to do with it changing daily between sociology or psychology I have fell in love with Bangor and am counting down the days until the open day.
Another little pat on the back for me that I wanted to share because I am beyond proud of myself, is that I have finally reached the savings of £1,000. Despite the fact that I could have probably done this a while ago, having now set my heart on my first car I have been putting my wages away ready for the purchase and am really proud to say I have gotten this far. More hard work that is paying off and I can't stop smiling!
Recently browsing through my news feed on Facebook I came across the website Project Abroad and have fell in love with idea of going to Nepal and helping out with the community and I recommend checking it out. If I were to go for two weeks it would be £1,095 and for four weeks it would be £1,495 which I will definitely need to fundraise for and hopefully with your help I can complete this trip and make a difference.
This trip would hopefully be along with my mates from college, particularly Lewis (he asked to be mentioned), who I must admit have become really dear to my heart. These guys have made me smile so much and considering we all ran into college in September not knowing anybody I feel like I have known these guys all my life.
Thankfully that leads me on to my exciting news (for me anyway) that me, two friends from college and one of their mates will be going to see Hollywood Undead in April which I am beyond excited for and will definitely tell you everything about!!
Anyway, sorry for the ridiculously long post.
Welcome back to Citta Ancorata.
Don't forget to smile because the world is your oyster.
All my love,
Abbie-June x
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